Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dicks are not precious.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize