I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
