The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
