Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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