How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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