On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
