I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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