ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
