I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
