I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
