Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
