actually, I'm a sock model
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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