margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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