I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
