I'm so fucking centered right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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