we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
