I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
