Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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