Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
