thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
