woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
