In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
