My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
