If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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