he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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