margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Randomize