It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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