Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
