she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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