I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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