If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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