Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
