Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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