u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Even my vagina gasped.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
