11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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