I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
