I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drake has all the answers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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