All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
