Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
