If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
