I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
