dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
