Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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