oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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