One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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