i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
