I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
