Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
