Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and she was petting her beer can
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
