it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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