Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
