check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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