you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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