happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
