Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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