Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
