Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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