Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
