Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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