Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
