He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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