Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
