yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
