I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
