she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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