If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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