i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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