Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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