I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
