I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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