if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
