dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
