Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
