my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
