She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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