Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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