It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
