if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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