Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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