I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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