Nicole vs. Life
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
