It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
