i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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