drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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