when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
