And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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