So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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